Nesting
In my cocoon
I know it has been some time since I wrote a blog post, thank you to all of you who remain subscribed to my blog. <3
I’m hoping to get back into blogging regularly again very shortly. I felt that I should share something since it has been a couple of months, and I couldn’t think of any topic that I felt passionate enough to write about at the moment. Then I thought, why must it be a seriously presented piece? I might as well share what is currently on my mind: nesting.
Sometimes, rest isn’t an option. It is required. It is easy to feel guilty about not being productive; I’m sure in many of the guides to creating a blog, they’ll mention frequency, and for good reason, too. But I, unfortunately, am the type that has surges in creative energy, where idea after idea flurries in my mind—at times, I can hardly sleep as the ideas flood in an endless stream. Then, at other times, it is practically a drought. I am not unique in this regard.
A few months ago, I went to see the Van Gogh exhibition at the National Gallery, Poets & Lovers and learnt that Van Gogh was also like this. He would experience bursts of energy during which he only painted, often forgoing rest (I, for one, cannot completely abandon sleep).
I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart.
— Vincent Van Gogh
It is hard not to go into it with all of your heart. For many of us, our creative pursuits are extensions of ourselves; it is all deeply personal. It is hard to force myself to write; I am often stirred and moved into writing, writhing in a cloud of thoughts that only writing can settle. My work is like my child, and we all know what infants need (apart from food): rest.
How magical it would be if the well of mine, from which my ideas spring forth, could refill continuously, but perhaps the beauty in creation is in its limitations. If every poet wrote a million lines and if every painter had stacks of canvases that reached the sky, then what would it all mean?
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I know that in today’s age, our worth is often judged by our output. The less you produce, the lower your worth. We constantly hear of people who can maintain a successful side hustle whilst working full-time, reading 12 books, training for a marathon, and learning a fourth language all in one month…Do we share the same 24 hours in a day? Clearly not.
It is all too easy to feel like a failure for not being like X or Y. How can I fail for not fitting into someone else’s mould? When we each possess a distinctly unique genetic code. A rose bud hasn’t failed if it doesn’t bloom into a lily.
I’m planning a flower border in my garden, and one thing to keep in mind when picking flowers is their flowering period. Flowers will produce blooms at different times of the year. The vast majority of flowers do not bloom in all four seasons—how could they? Producing flowers is a costly business. Therefore, outside their flowering period, the plant focuses its energy underground, towards its root system, preserving its energy for survival until conditions are right again to produce beautiful blooms.
I posted a poem on my Instagram on the theme of growth and renewal:
You see, humans are not too different. We, too, are not meant to endlessly bloom; we have seasons of growth followed by seasons of repose. Energy depleted must be replenished. Cocooning is not a fault—it is part of the process. So make your nest and lie in it guilt-free in preparation for your next spring.
We have been sold this tale that one must do, but sometimes all I want is to be.
this was lovely, bilan. so many poignant n resonant things